even if, even when

hope in grief

I was reading the story of the Shunnamite woman one night (2 Kings 4). A woman who prepared a safe dwelling place in her home for the prophet Elisha, and in response to her kindness, Elisha told her she would have a son.

One of her greatest gifts later became the source of her sorrow when that very son died. I can’t even imagine the pain of losing a gift you never asked for—a love you never knew, only for it to be taken away.

But what really amazed me about this woman was her confidence in the midst of her grief. The ability to say “it is well” when people asked her how she was not knowing she had just lost her son.

It’s wasn’t detachment or false hope, either. It was faith. Proof that her Creator made no mistakes.

I don’t think she denied her grief, but instead used it as fuel for hope. And that same hope led her back to Elisha to bring back her son. It made me think about how often I lose hope after grieving, very rarely going back to chase the blessing.

I want to be so confident in who God is that even if, even when things don’t go the way I expected, I still choose to find hope in the midst of it. To choose confidence in the midst of fear.

If you’ve followed my journey over the past few years, you know I embrace feelings of all kinds. But I’ve also made an effort to draw boundaries around them—to remind myself that while feelings can shape my path, they’re not the author of my story.

k.a

I pray with great faith for you, because I’m fully convinced that the One who began this gracious work in you will faithfully continue the process of maturing you until the unveiling of our Lord Jesus Christ!

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1‬:‭6‬, ‭TPT‬‬

Authors Note:

I miss being lost in deep thought. I miss reading and I miss my imagination. I don’t think people talk enough about grieving past seasons of life. There’s never a perfect season, just moments that are filled constantly with good things, even in the midst of some that aren’t. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the latest shift in my life. I guess God wasn’t kidding when He told me to prepare myself. This must have been what He was talking about. The other day as I stood in the audience at church I had to beg my soul to worship. I had no desire to think about how good God is. Those moments used to scare me, but instead I raised my hands and I invited God into the void. This is how He always brings be back to Him, it’s always during the moments I don’t feel Him at all. I’m rambling now. But I guess I’m saying that I think I’ve reached the point in my faith where I know God will never leave me in the place where I feel farthest from Him. It’s become our meeting place of sorts. A guarantee that as long as I open the door, He will walk in and do the rest. And that is a hope you will never find in anything and anyone else. Only Jesus.